Throughout my pregnancy I was beyond excited to meet my baby, I had that glow, you know, the one that prompts everyone to ask 'is this your first?'
It had felt like the longest 9/10 months of my life, like everything had brought me to this very day. I felt prepared, mentally, physically, I'd taken a hypnobirthing course, I'd read so many books, antenatal classes, breastfeeding classes, the lot. And then I met her, my first born, a daughter, a lioness!
It was a surreal moment laying eyes on her for the very first time, of course you create how the baby may look in your mind but actually seeing those features for the first time, it was incredible. My first words to her were: 'wow, so this is you!'
I held her in hospital that night and promised I would do my very best for her every single day. I was beyond grateful.
The journey of becoming a first time mum is the biggest, most emotional challenge I've ever experienced. A roller coaster of extremes is how it's felt. So much love, so much to learn, so much anxiety about whether I was doing it all right. There was nothing in the books or the courses about how overwhelming it actually is. A life changing privilege, a massive responsibility and a forever a physical part of you.
I would speak to a friend of mine, Kirsty, who'd birthed just a few days before me at crazy hours in the night, we'd giggle about the mumsnet chats or I'd watch terrible reality shows to try and stay awake for the feeds. One day she posted me a book 'the little book of motherhood' highlighting a poem she loved, it made me cry back in those 4th trimester days with it's accuracy, so I thought I'd share today, a very special day to me, the 6th anniversary of my first birth and my daughter's 6th birthday.
Motherhood can feel quite lonely. It's the liquid darkness of early-morning feeds when all the world's asleep, or so it seems. Then there's only you responsible for the tiny beating heart cradled in your arms. This is when the greatest realisation occurs, and you know that nothing else matters. The sky could fall in, the world could split in two, but in this moment you have everything you need.